hangkyuuuut!

bored and waiting for someone to meet with me. so just because i'm wasting time, here's a cute kitty for you. the caption isn't that funny, but the feline is just meow-velous!


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sigh

The expression on Charlie Brown's face is just perfect in relaying how I have been feeling the past few weeks. The physical exhaustion has abated a little, thankfully. But the emotional and mental strain is still there.

I have been here in Davao for a week already, and I seem to not have had the time to just sit down and do nothing. I've been longing to hit the mall and just waste time and window shop. But with the flurry of things going on, both work and personal, I can't seem to do that.

It doesn't help that there isn't really any one to talk to lately. Even my conversations with Jan are about tasks to be done. It would have helped if we're together because at least we could just hang out getting things done. But he's in Manila, getting things done and I'm here.

Hay. Maybe I'm just lonely. Hay.

(Redg, I can't wait for the fun we will be having on May 5 and 6. You don't know just how much I'm looking forward to that. Not for the pictures, but for the silly things we are going to do. Hay.)

a yan-yan childhood memory

Last Sunday, I was at the grocery to buy some toiletries. I decided to buy snacks in case I go hungry in between meals. While scouring the aisle, I was tempted by Frito Lay products and chocolate spreads. Whether by willpower or my lack of disposable income, I passed them by.

I did succumb to two Chocolate Yan-Yans since I have been wanting some for a weeks already, but SM Supermarket rarely has stocks. They always have vanilla and strawberry dips, but not chocolate.

I have this childhood memory of Yan-Yan when I was around ten years old. Back then, imported chocolates are reserved for special occasions, even if it is only from Japan. Our staple supply would be packages of Serg's (Ikaw Pa rin) or Goya (Fun Factory) chocolates wrapped in foil either as bricks, eggs or balls.

Anyway... that childhood memory... I was given a Yan-Yan by my mom. I think we just came from Dau where PX goods were much cheaper compared to those sold at Johnny's Supermarket (the famous grocery chain in Pampanga that time) so my mom bought one for me when I asked if I could get one. Imagine how much I wanted to make the most of it as it was a rare moment for me.

We were then in the car, but my mom went somewhere to talk with someone for a while. I was left in the car with my chocolate yan-yan. I was dipping the sticks so gingerly into the chocolate dip, making sure that it was coated but not to thickly. Then I would suck at the chocolate and then bite the biscuit . It was pure childish joy to have the gooey sweetness of chocolate coat my mouth. The bustling city of Angeles did not matter to me. I was a child with her chocolate so nothing else mattered.

Eventually, the biscuits were wiped out but there was still some chocolate left, which was how I planned it. That chocolate was meant for something more tasty. And what else could that be but my own finger. Hehe! I stuck my finger into the dip and wiped the chocolate clinging to the sides container. I'd then put my finger into my mouth and suck at the chocolate. Yummm! The process was repeated several times, checking for every last trace at the container. No square millimeter was spared from my childish greed.

Afterwards, I remember my mom calling me over. I think she wanted to introduce me to whoever she was talking to. I had to abandon the Yan-Yan container at the car as I went over to my mom. There was actually no more identifiable chocolate left, but I meant to come back to the Yan-Yan after my courtesy call.

When I returned to the car and checked on my Yan-Yan, something was enjoying my spoils! A roach! With it's icky antennae feeling at the walls of the container. Eeeeeuuuuwwww!

What else could I do but surrender to that gross little creature. I don't think my mom noticed the roach, but I sure did. My feet were up on the seat of the car as we made our way home. My joy doused by a disgustingly unclean creature. In my mind, I was cursing the little roach but didn't know any vile-four letter words yet.

But a child moves on fast. When we got home, I let the yaya get rid of the spoiled Yan-Yan container. I ran to the fridge and opened a pack of Goya Chocolate Footballs. As I let the Goya melt in my mouth, Yan-Yan was just a vague memory by then.

AI does ALW

Tonight, American Idol did Andrew Lloyd Webber. While Ryan Seacrest was saying that during his spiel, I couldn't help but be excited. While I'm not a die-hard Broadway fun, I enjoy musicals a lot. It takes artistry and genius to have songs tell such intricate stories. Something that Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber was able to do with his all-time classics like "The Phantom of the Opera," "Cats" and "Jesus Christ Superstar" among some.

I was also excited because it would definitely drive the remaining Top 6 contestants out of their comfort zones. I was curious how David Cook would perform as he is known for his edgy rocker performances, or what Jason Castro's song choice would be.

The night was absolutely interesting, I would say. Syesha Mercado finally found her comfort zone. She did wonderfully and was quite confident with herself. Something she has not been able in the past. And tonight, I actually liked Carly Smithson. Again, it's that sense of comfort and control over a song. She had that tonight. Brooke would have done a good performance if she didn't bum the first try. Unfortunately, that made her sound nervous with her full show.

As for the boys... I agree with Simon's critiques. Jason may have put himself in danger tonight choosing such a powerful song. "Memories" might have been too big for his relaxed kind of music and personality. He sounded nervous and Simon articulated what I was thinking during his piece. That that may just have been the longest minutes of his life. David Archuleta did sing pleasantly, as he usually can. I sometimes feel, though, that this David just really has a good voice. While he usually sings heartfelt, his heart may not have felt much yet. I'm not sure if I can be understood. But basically, he's still a child and I mostly imagine him singing Disney songs rather than a pop album.

Now, David Cook... that's a true musician. ALW asked David C to imagine him to be a beautiful and desirable 17 year old girl. Now while David C was doing his performance and the camera did a close-up on him... mehn, I had goosebumps. No kidding. I felt like that 17 year old girl. And I loved how sincerely he sang it. It's not his best performance, I agree. But it was a great performance nonetheless. I'm starting to believe that America may allow him to win in the end.

But let me just commend the American Idol people for even thinking of an Andrew Lloyd Webber night. Mehn. Astig talaga.

this ER trip is brought to you by ponstan

That harmless looking pill over there called Ponstan, less than 30mm long, just sent me to the San Pedro Hospital ER last night. Vile thing.

I don't usually drink pain killers. Usually I just suck it up and let time heal whatever is bothering me. However, my gums have been hurting for the last three days. Yesterday was not much of a good day either. I've been dizzy from work and the gum pain didn't help. So I thought, why should I endure this pain any longer? I asked my mom if she had any pain killers with her. She then produced a Ponstan, which she used to ease her own chest pain.

It was definitely effective. No kidding. In a few minutes, my gums didn't hurt anymore.

I didn't realize, however, that I have been sneezing like crazy. You see, allergic sneezing is not new to me. As I am clinically proven to be allergic to cockroaches, I thought a cockroach might have crawled through the computer keyboards and left some of its essence. When my eyes started becoming red, I still didn't say anything my mom even if that was a new reaction. I also started getting real hungry (or maybe that was because I only ate four spoonfuls of rice and some veggies. We only had little food left).

It was only when I had trouble breathing that I had to say something. Breathing trouble isn't new to me either as it often occurs when I'm fatigued. However, this one was different. I was breathing deeply but could only catch enough air. I had to tell my mom what was happening and asked if she had antihistamine as I left mine at the office. But no anti-allergy medicine was in the house.

It took quite a while before we decided to go to the hospital. Well, my mom insisted. I said we could just buy anti-allergies and be done with it. But not breathing properly is not something a mother could take lightly, I think. She asked advise from my doctor-uncle, who also advised that we go to the ER.

There were still a lot of hullabaloo before we were able to get there. Waiting for my cousin to pick us up, changing into decent clothes, brushing my teeth. All the while, breathing was difficult and sneezing made me all the more tired.

Eventually, we got to San Pedro hospital. I showed my PhilamCare card, signed some forms, weighed (51 kgs. Shucks! Pumayat nga ako.), laid to bed, blood pressure (130/90. Taas! My last was 110/80.) and temperature (36.2 C- normal). Then after they talked to me and my mom, they put an oxygen tube to my nose (most uncomfortable, especially when one's nose is runny and sneezing).

The doctor finally came (didn't catch her name), all bubbly and cute. She'd make a good pediatrician, if she wasn't one already. Hehe. She was explaining stuff to my mom and said she wanted me confined, which my mom and I did not agree with. I just wanted to take whatever meds and go home. My mom allowed for an hour or so of observation. The downside to not being confined, however, was that we had to pay for the medicines ourselves and couldn't charge it to our HMO. Dang.

I was injected with celestamine which made me really drowsy. My poor mom had to run around the hospital buying medicines and water. While the world was hazy and the meds were taking effect, I was just glad that there weren't any ER shouts or bloody patients. No life and death whatsoever happening. Just bum stomachs and babies with primary complex. It was reassuring that I was going to live through the night. Hehe! But I also realized... "damn, i don't want to die drowning. It's ugly not being able to breathe, I tell you. Plain ugly."

Anyhoo, after two and a half hours in the ER, we asked if we could go home. I just wanted to sleep. My mom needed her rest as well. The doctor was a little hesitant, making sure I was fine and all. She finally let us go and told us to come back if I had breathing troubles again.

Everything was still a haze on our trip home and my trip to bed. I managed to clean up and all. When I finally laid my back to the mattress, it was like "ka-bonk! zzzzzz..."

I woke up still feeling drowsy but much better. Rested the morning and went back to work in the afternoon. At the back of my head, that drug-induced sleep was great. No tossing and turning. Just a straight dreamless sleep, which I wish for myself more often.

So I'm fine. Still a bit groggy. The follow-up meds makes me drowsy. And I still have splotches on my face. I'm just darn glad I never tried taking mefenamic acid while I was in the boondocks, or that would have been a terrible ordeal for everyone. Hehe.

book tag

ganns just gave me my first impulse blogging tag. kewl.

thanks, ganns.

it's funny though. i wanted to be strict with the tag, but i ended up doing several tries for different weird reasons. you'll find out what after the instructions. hehe.

The rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people and post a comment to Ganns's blog (he's the one who tagged me) once you’ve posted your three sentences.

I am in my mom's room where the DSL and computer are, so the nearest book I grabbed was hers. It was "Consider the Alternative" by Lee M. Silverstein, but it wasn't long enough either. Just like what happened to Ganns.

After that, the nearest book I got was from the bathroom which was "Love" by Miriam Zellnick. It's my bathroom reading. But when I checked page 123, it only has one quote as it was the introduction page to another chapter.

Eng. Next book then. I had to get from my room because there were no other books in sight. The first book on top of the shelf nearest by door was Faeries by Brian Froud. But what do you know... there aren't any page numbers. I even tried counting the pages until 123 only to end up with an illustration page that only has five sentences. Haha.

Last try then.

Finally. A hard bound copy of "Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaiman. All the other stuff on the level of the shelf were comics and would not reach 123 pages.

The fifth sentence and the next three after that:

He put them on, along with a purple sweater with a teddy bear on it his mother had once given him that he had never worn but had never got around to giving away.

He went to the end of the corridor.

The boom-chagga-boom of a bass and drums penetrated the door.

I tag you:

1. Maan
2. Toni of Wifely Steps
3. Tatit of What a Wanderful World
4. Leanne of My Life In A Page
5. Jowi of This Isn't A Dress Rehearsal

poor kitty!

from my favorite catsite:

see more crazy cat pics

my favorite post secret for the week

i know the week is about to be over and a new set will be up tomorrow. but i was only able to check today. so what the hey...


Indeed, indeed. While I haven't been particularly feeling lucky for the past few weeks... months even... I KNOW that I am.

There is just so much to be thankful for! For the everyday things I have. Like three meals a day (and two meriendas and post-dinner snack - yeah, I'm a pig.). Cable TV. DSL. Footwear. Clothes. A job. Cab fare. An education. Those things that are usually taken for granted, just because they are always there or just because we are certain we can have those without difficulty.

And there there is my family. If my dad were alive, he and my mom would have celebrated their 40th Anniversary last November. There's bro and sis and the pamangkins. Lovely friends, who have proven time and again, that true friendship knows no time nor distance. And of course, my dear Jan. He who is my anagram and bestest friend.

Of course, I'm lucky! Now if only I could win a raffle or something...

what! another blog?

welcome to impulse blogging!

yes, it is another blog from me. i really don't know why i have this penchant for changing blogs every so often. it could be a form of emotional molting. shedding the old skin for new in the hopes to be cleansed and be more beautiful afterwards.

it may be so for the first few entries especially when that feeling of being a new person is still in the consciousness. then everyday stuff happens and you get caught up and you forget what it was like to be very beautiful and very clean. but i guess that is how life works. you go forwards, but paradoxically in circles. you start with your self and in the course of looking for your self you go here and there and every where and yet still end up where you began. sometime wiser. sometimes the same old fool.

there was actually a previous attempt for a blog change, which name i got from the first line of a tolkien poem in "the hobbit" - roads go ever on and on (see first entry of that blog below). however, after a few entries... it didn't feel right.

i wanted it to be about journeys, especially since i am traveling through many life-changing roads this year. but i wasn't able to convey the things i wanted and seemed to have gotten lost along the way. i was just glad i didn't go public with it yet that i could still change my mind about how i wanted my new blog to be.

so why impulse blogging? simply because i blog on impulse, on gut feel. and it gives me license to write about any thing any time. not that i don't usually do that. but naming a blog specifically for something, like biyaheng mindanao or the cross-eyed bear became limiting.

i just have too many interests and too little mastery in any of them to put a single personality on my blog. not that it is being imposed by anyone either. it's actually just me who wanted a personality for my blogs... hoping get a steady stream of strangers to check on me and maybe earn a few bucks along the way. but in the end... i realized i'm not that gifted of a writer. and most of the time i do write entries just because and with certain people in mind who i want to "listen" and they happen to be people i actually know and probably the only ones who would care about what is happening.

so yeah... most of the stuff here might end up gibberish. sometimes deep. sometimes funny (i hope). sometimes boring. sometimes nonsense. mostly blabber. mostly candid. just like who i am.

* * * * *
my first entry on roads go ever on and on:

Monday, March 24, 2008, 4:47 PM

This first of the "Roads go ever on and on" verses written by JRR Tolkien can be found in "The Hobbit." Bilbo Baggins recites the poem at the end of the book as he was ready to go home. This particular one I really like was taken from "The Lord of the Rings," also recited by Bilbo as he goes off to another adventure and leaves my precious to his nephew, Frodo Baggins.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
Whither then? I cannot say.

I can strongly relate as the second decade of my life is about to close. Knowing who I am and what my values are, I can say with conviction that the past twenty-nine years were wonderful, exciting and blessed. It has been an exciting journey so far -- a roller coaster experiences. Emotional joys and sorrows, intellectual failures and enlightenment, spiritual desolations and consolations. I have gone through all of them and have survived. I LIVED those 29 years.

Strangely, I am quite excited to face my 30's... to journey towards the future. The third decade feels like it holds a lot of promise. Just as I knew 2008 would by my year. It's only been the first quarter and already I have felt myself evolving. It seems that the universe has conspired, as Paolo Coelho claims in "The Alchemist," to lead me to my desires. In certain aspects of my life, I have relished the journey and have returned where it all began. In others, I am still looking for the treasure in the Pyramids. For some, I am still a naive shepherd trying to understand his destiny and itching to move forward.

After near thirty years, I've come to realize that it IS all about the journey. It is about putting one foot in front of the other since roads go ever on and on. After the pit stop, detour, or road block (aba, amazing race naman!), there is always something beyond. Another fork in the road, another door to open, another map to follow. The North Star is there to point, not to be reached.

I am excited. I am restless. Where many paths and errands meet, whither then? I can not say.

There is already a bend in the road. I can see it. What is beyond, I have to take the steps to get there. Fast or slow, it doesn't matter. I will get there. Patience is something I have to learn.

With eager feet, I go. As roads go ever on and on.